Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
