she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
