dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
