There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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