my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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