The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
