please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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