end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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