This dress was meant to end up on your floor
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
