There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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