I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
