her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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