I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My life is pants optional.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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