My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
