saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize