I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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