I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
