when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
