Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
