I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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