some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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