**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
