Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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