guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
