I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he thought i was a dude.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
