Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
