Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
