hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
