You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
