Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
