Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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