Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
