Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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