would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
