when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
