Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize