Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
don't judge my taste in strippers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
