bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
