Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
