dude i'm inner monologue high
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
