I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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