he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
