If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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