Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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