I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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