Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
