well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize