Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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