The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
