no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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