Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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