capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
barbara walters just said penis...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
