The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
