Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize