u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize