when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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