I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
