I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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