well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
