Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
