He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
