I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
