If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
