Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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