If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
