Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
