Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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