what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
