i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
