he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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