i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize