I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
